Cool

June 1st, 2022

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The next installment in my “Covers for Causes” series is out today (6/1/22), and it coincides with Pride Month. The band and I put together our take on “Cool” by Dua Lipa, and proceeds from the first thirteen months of the track’s streaming royalties will go to an organization that has helped me better understand what it means to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community —You Can Play. Furthermore, the original album art from my friend and painter David Esquivel will be auctioned off to support the non-profit.

This song is a simple celebration of falling in love, and that is something everyone deserves to feel.

My best friend came out to me more than a decade ago, but I remember it distinctly –where I was, the tone of his voice, and the pain I felt for him knowing he had struggled for quite some time. I thought myself to be gracious and warm, but I also remember feeling a bit embarrassed and ashamed. Did he really think I wouldn’t “approve” or be supportive of him?

At the time, I didn’t fully understand why he wasn’t comfortable enough to share this part of who he was with me sooner. I lacked the emotional maturity to even acknowledge that doing so at all was a risk. Unintentional as it was, I undermined the courage it took for him to share his truth with me, a straight white guy from Texas. No wonder he had reservations…

Even worse, I somehow managed to make the whole thing about me. Why was he so afraid of the way I might react –hadn’t I always been a good friend? There I was, feeling as though I was the one at risk of being judged.

Now how’s that for the plight of the disenfranchised straight-white-American male? Yikes.

What I should have done in that moment was apologize to him for not having done my part in creating a safe enough place within our friendship for him to have been unapologetically himself. Given my ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and the country I live in, I’ll never fully comprehend the fear of being marginalized, but I realize –especially now, in today’s climate– how important it is to genuinely try. I’ve been on a quiet mission ever since to help create and operate within spaces where all feel safe and welcome.

To approach the world with empathy, we have to push for deeper understandings of other peoples’ experiences –surface level pandering just doesn’t cut it. Saying “my best friend is gay” as a way of validating your very objection to his/her/their way of life doesn’t make you open-minded or less homophobic, it makes you self righteous. It also makes you a bad friend. But saying “my best friend is gay” and allowing that friend to reshape your consciousness is quite different. The human experience is best shared with all kinds of kinds –and the more we understand ourselves and others, the safer and richer the world is for everyone. 

So –appreciate those around you. Be open. Be a friend.

Be an ally.

//B.A